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Leah Hearts Terry Virgo

Leah was cleaning off the coffee table for me and discovered a copy of Terry Virgo’s No Well-Worn Paths, with his picture on the cover.

She exclaimed, “Ah! I love this guy! Is he real?”

“Yes, that’s Terry Virgo,” I explained.

“I knew it! That’s why I love him,” she replied with great satisfaction.

(I’m pretty sure that, besides hearing Chris and I mention the name, she has no idea who Terry Virgo even is.)

There was a long pause. Then Leah blurted out, “Did he die?”

I assured her that he was alive and well.

She breathed a sigh of relief, “Good! I hope he never dies. If he dies, I’ll cry. For real.”

I guess Terry Virgo has a REALLY likable face.

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The Santa Claus Conspiracy

Once a week, I volunteer in my son’s 2nd grade class at school. Most of the time, the kids just read with me. However, once in a while they end up sharing their own stories.

Last week, one of the little girls told me she recently heard jingle bells. So she looked out of her mailbox slot and saw Santa and his reindeer flying. “Maybe,” she said, “he was practicing.”

But he did drop off some packages at her house on his practice run, and they are still there.

She explained that sometimes Santa lies a little bit and writes, “From Mom and Dad” on gifts, because he doesn’t want kids to think the packages are from him. But they really are.

I have never, ever heard this theory before and find it very intriguing. It’s not parents who try to convince their children to believe in Santa. Rather, it is Santa who wants children to believe in their parents. Interesting.

This smart little girl also firmly believes in the tooth fairy and has a plan to save up 3 teeth to trick the fairy out of $3 all at once.


(If you’re curious about why my kids think about Santa, read The Truth About Santa and Spider Man)

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Pictures For God

Leah brought me a picture she drew and said, “When we go up to heaven, I’m going to give this picture to God.”

She then pointed to the figure at the bottom right and said, “An’ that’s God!”

I noticed that “God” had a heart in His hand, so I asked her about that. She replied, “That means I love Him.”

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Lost in Translation

Today, I was listening to a Bill Johnson sermon while I did dishes. Leah was quietly coloring at the table, when Bill Johnson said something about the “agenda of Holy Spirit.”

Leah looked up from her picture and exclaimed, “Agenta?! Hey! That’s on Blues Clues!”

“Do you mean Magenta?” I asked.

The pinkish-purple puppy was indeed who she thought Bill Johnson was preaching about. Makes you wonder about her other thoughts on theology!

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This morning, Chris was trimming his beard with an electric razor. Leah, sitting in the kitchen eating her breakfast, could hear the whir of his trimmer.

“When is Daddy going to be done shaving?” she asked mournfully.

I asked her why she cared and she replied, “It breaks my heart!”

Mystified, I asked her if she was afraid he was going to cut himself. Her face became confused. She’s never seen Chris clean shaven, so the possibility of him cutting himself wasn’t even on her radar. I quickly assured her he wouldn’t get hurt, before we had something new to freak out about.

Then she went on to explain, “It makes me cold.”

So apparently the sound of the razor gave her the shivers and the best explanation she could come up with was that it broke her heart! Mystery solved.

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A Shower of Words

My kids love to talk to me while I’m taking a shower. Something about that time of my day brings out massive amounts of conversation in them… probably the fact that it annoys me greatly.

They love to talk to me during my shower, but they do it with great trepidation, because it’s gotten them in trouble so many times. I precede each shower with strict instructions to stay out of my room and leave me alone, with a small contingency for emergency situations.

Today, I heard Leah calling to me from my bedroom doorway. I shouted back that I couldn’t hear her. Next I heard her talking from inside my bedroom, so again I called out, explaining that I couldn’t hear her and told her to come into my bathroom. (Remember, this whole conversation was being held while shower water was drumming in my ears, so I wasn’t exactly at the top of my game)

Now that the inner sanctum had been reached, she was ready to deliver her great communication:

Leah: Mommy, I’ve got to talk you about so’thing.

Me: What is it?

Leah: ‘Saiah’s butt stinks.

That was it. That was the amazing revelation that caused her to breach all the rules and enter my august, showering presence. We need to work on what actually constitutes an emergency at our house.

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Plumb(er) Crazy

We had a plumber scheduled to come today; old houses just need plumbers sometimes (especially when the mice have chewed through a pipe, but that’s another story for another day). In the grand tradition of home repair professionals, he didn’t give us an appointment time more specific than “sometime in the afternoon.”

Isaiah was thrilled when he heard a plumber was coming. His experience with pipe-fixing people is Mr. Mike from church, who explains everything he is doing to Isaiah and when he’s about to do something extra cool, he calls Isaiah over to watch. I tried to explain that this plumber was not quite like Mr. Mike. I also cautioned that the plumber might come while Isaiah was at school. My son still had his heart set on seeing him.

So when the plumber called to say he was on his way, just as I was taking Isaiah to school, all his 5-year-old hopes and dreams were crushed and he burst into tears. I tried again to explain that the plumber wasn’t going to be cool, like Mr. Mike. Isaiah replied with a wail, “But I won’t get to see what he looks like!”

Well, if he just wanted to see what he looked like, I could solve that! I called Chris, explained the dilemma and asked him to take a picture of the plumber for Isaiah, to which he reluctantly agreed. When I told Isaiah the good news, he was much relieved, but had a further request, “Can you ask Daddy to take a picture of each side of him?” I told him not to push his luck.

When I got home from dropping Isaiah at school, I quizzed Chris on the status of the plumber picture. It was still un-taken. Turns out, asking to take a picture of a repair person sounds all great on paper, but is actually a little awkward in practicality. Plus, while most plumbers (in my experience) are big, jolly, talkative guys (like Santa Clauses without a beard), this guy was quiet and business-like. So that made the whole plumber-photo-shoot idea not seem so great.

Chris needed to head back the office, but the picture was still looming. “It’s cute!” I assured him. “It’s for a 5-year-old. It’s not everyday that the guy gets to be somebody’s hero… except maybe when he unplugs someone’s toilet.” And then I pulled the trump card, “I feel funny asking because I’m a girl, but it’s not so awkward for you, because you’re both guys.” Now, my husband would do anything to protect me, so he grimly marched down to the basement. I could hear him saying apologetically, “You know how it is when you’re 5…” He came back a couple minutes later, showed me the picture and rolled his eyes. But DEEP down inside, I know he was thrilled to do it for his son (and me)!

The plumber did turn out to be a very nice man. Apparently he wasn’t too scarred by the requests for pictures or the fact that my daughter exclaimed, “What’s that smell?!” every time he walked through (I don’t think he actually heard her). Plus, you probably get that reaction a lot, when you’re an avid smoker. And he fixed all our leaky pipes! So, all in all, it turned out to be a pretty good day in plumbing.

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Isaiah’s Life Plan

Isaiah and I were sitting on the couch this morning and Isaiah started to tell me about his long term life goals. This is what he said:

Mommy, when I get big, I want to do what Daddy does. (I asked him if he meant be a pastor) Yeah… and be a Daddy!

I would be the bestest Daddy in the whole world. If the son said, “I want to go to the carnival.” I would say, “Yes. Maybe tonight or maybe tomorrow night.” And if my son said said, “I want to go to the Play Museum.” I would say, “Maybe tonight or maybe later.” And if my son said, “I want to buy a cool ornament for the Christmas tree.” I would say, “Yes.”

I’m going to have 4 kids: 2 boys and 2 girls. And I’m going to name them John, Zachery, Chloe and Leah. And that will be good, because we already have a Leah.

And Mommy, what do you think Leah will do to her children? I think she will treat them like I’m going to treat mine.

And I’m going to be a train driver and a gold collector, a builder and all the cool stuff. And be what Daddy does and go to the gym and even be a wrestler.

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Little Boys vs. Little Girls

When little boys are in the bathtub and they have to pee, they pee. When little girls are in the bathtub and they have to pee, they come running downstairs, naked and dripping wet, screaming, “I have to pee!” Never mind that there is a potty chair in the bathroom they were showering in… apparently little girls need Mommy’s approval to use the facilities.

At least that’s how my little girl does things.

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