San Francisco 49ers v Carolina Panthers

Shy No More

Shy-peopleThe other night, I commented to a group of friends, “I’m shy.”

I’ve been saying some version of this for years: “I’m shy until you really get to know me.” Or, “I really am shy, but I’m just good at faking it.”

The thing is, I think I’m wrong. I’m not shy at all.

I’m just potentially awkward and sometimes anti-social. Which is totally different.

I think I must have declared myself shy before I heard of the concept of introverts and extroverts. Growing up, I just thought, “Everyone I know always wants to hang out and PARTAY! And I just want to sit home and watch a movie. I must be shy.”

No. That’s not shy.

Sometimes, when I’m talking to people, I don’t know what to say. But I keep talking anyway. Because that’s what I do. Or, I stop abruptly, because their eyes are glazed over. So that’s awkward. But not shy.

It was a couple of weeks ago when it started to dawn on me that I might not be shy. I was talking to someone, who said that she’d heard when a person is shy, it’s a form of self-obsession. Because they are always worrying about what other people think of them.

Not trying to hate on actual shy people. But what I just shared is obviously scientific FACT. You can tell, because I heard it from someone, who heard it from someone. And that’s how FACTS are proven.

But I started to wonder. Because I have lots of faults, but worrying about what people think about me isn’t on the top of my list. Mainly because I forget to worry about it. When I do find out that people think something about me, I’m always very, very surprised.

Whether they think nice things or what could be construed as not-so-nice things, I just kind of marvel that they used brain space on me at all. So, it’s actually very thoughtful of them, either way.

But it’s weird, because I’ve self-styled myself as shy for years. Realizing I might actually not be is like an identity crisis or something.

Instead of saying, “I’m shy,” what do I say now?:

“I’m a bit awkward and need copious amounts of alone time in order to avoid feeling like an insane person.”

It doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.

Or, I could just let them figure it out for themselves. But that would require people to be thinking about me, which I doubt they really have the time for.

It was so much easier when I was shy.

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